The Sound of Pleasure: Voice, Breath & Pelvic Floor Tone 

This episode is gonna be very different. One, because I’m flying solo today. And two, because we are discussing some pretty intimate stuff. And the point of it is to make it very physiology forward, shame-reducing, and voice-centered, literally. So let me ask you this. What if the sounds we make during pleasure are not just expressions of arousal?

Part of how the body regulates tone, breathing, sensation, and release. What if silence, on the other hand, breath holding, or trying to be good or people pleasing are not personality traits, but protective strategies learned over time? Today we’re talking about breath, voice, arousal, pelvic floor tone, what you could probably call.

Orgasmic confidence. It’s about the ability of the body to feel safe enough, okay, that you feel safe enough, safe enough in your body to receive sensation, express pleasure, and trust your own response.

Welcome back to the Vocal Pelvic Floor. I am your host, Dr. Ginger Garner, and we are talking about today how vocalization shifts your pleasure experience. It’s the sound of pleasure, quite literally, how the voice, breath, and pelvic floor tone all contribute or take away from, right? Depending on what the status of those three diaphragms are, to your pleasure experience.

And let me just start first by saying pleasure is is not just genital. So let’s get past that. It is respiratory, vocal, ⁓ nervous system-based, fascial, hormonal, relational, and obviously pelvic. We are talking about safety first. Safety allows us to breathe, to create sound, or what’s called phonation. It impacts pelvic tone much more than people I think appreciate.

And then that in turn is going to generate the amount of sensation, expression, pleasure, and confidence that you actually feel.

So let’s start first with kind of this notion of building orgasmic confidence. We need to define this like straight out of the gate. What does that mean? It’s it’s not orgasmic confidence is not about having a certain type of orgasm on demand, right? It is not that. In fact, we need to take the pressure off of that being like the end goal. Rather, it’s the felt sense that.

My body is not broken. My pleasure is allowed. My response can change. I can stay present with sensation without judging, performing. That’s key. Apologizing or disconnecting. And if you have a trauma history, those things can be right at the edge of showing themselves, which then kind of

makes the whole experience fall apart, right? You can also consider that orgasmic confidence grows through, and and this can all, you know, almost be like a metaphor for bigger things. We’re not necessarily even talking about sex, right? Orgasmic confidence can be how you show up every day, you know, in your work, in your relationships, not just in the bedroom, right? So I just want you to kind of make that extrapolation straight away.

Although we’re going talk about specific sexual health physiology here in a minute. ⁓ We’re also going to talk about breath awareness, pelvic floor adaptability, ⁓ reduced guarding. I think a lot of people guard and they don’t even know that they’re doing it. Better communication, self-trust, not just trusting your partner, but self-trust, because this is also about self-pleasure, right? You don’t necessarily need a partner.

And then what really checks in as super important is nervous system regulation. And this one, giving yourself the permission to actually make sound or move. And I think that’s something that people just assume they’ll just kind of be natural at or whatever. And and that’s not the case because it’s being involved intimately with yourself or someone else is a is all automatically requires vulner vulnerability. You have to lay down this.

this ⁓ this notion of performance, right? Because then it does feel contrived and can ⁓ just absolutely stunt blood flow in more ways than you can imagine. So let’s let’s make this conclusion here. ⁓ you know, orgasmic confidence is is less about climax as a goal and more about rebuilding trust in the body’s capacity for sensation, expression, and pleasure.

That is very much dictated by your voice. And the voice does include breathing as well.

So let’s define this very clinically because I think it’s easy. I don’t want to drop into the sensationalized, you know, ⁓ let’s talk about how to achieve the certain types of orgasms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re we’re gonna talk about that. But we need to make this about trust, not performance, right? Because people these are questions. What I’m about to talk about are the questions that you have asked. These are the questions that I get.

in the clinic, right? Treating patients. When they come in and they talk about incontinence, but then we end up talking about sexual health because everything has been impacted. You don’t just pelvic pain doesn’t come in, you know, as some kind of isolated thing, right? ⁓ you don’t come in and say, I’ve got hip pain, I’ve got endometriosis, I’ve got hypermobility, I’ve got hip dysplasia or whatever it may be, or I’m post-hip arthroscopy. This is a big one.

sexual function and loss of it is not often in the hip arthroscopy brochure. ⁓ well, it isn’t at all. And that’s a big deal because people feel ashamed to talk about it because they’re come in, they come in and they’re like, this is an orthopedic issue. And I’m inevitably going to ask because that’s part of your well being. Hey, how’s sexual function? Are you happy with it? And the answer is always no.

Invariably it’s no. If you’ve had surgery, it’s it’s gonna be no. Okay, just expect that. Whether it’s endometriosis excision or hip arthry or a PAO if you have hip dysplasia, or just you know, maybe it’s not surgery at all, maybe it’s just general hypermobility. Sexual function is gonna be impacted. So, your clinician, you need to be able to trust them to ask about those questions. And if they’re not asking those questions,

you can offer that information up. Hey, sexual health is also impacted. Can we talk about it? And your clinician should like go straight long, you know, forward into it, be comfortable talking about it and go, absolutely, this is part of your health and well-being. And if not, that’s that’s the wrong practitioner. Ask for a referral or ask for someone who does specialize in sexual health and ⁓ sex therapy, sex counseling. All of those are separate things, but sometimes

They can be combined. There are some pelvic PTs that are also trained in sexual counseling. ⁓ pelvic PTs should have a very good grounding in helping you with your sexual health, whereas maybe a sex therapist can help with the psychosocial aspects of that and some of the anatomical aspects of that, but they may not have the in-depth experience to say, do what I do and practice, which is musculoskeletal imaging, ultrasound imaging, to then say, ⁓ okay, this is specifically the problem, right?

Or when you voice, it’s really putting adverse stress on your pelvic floor. And therefore, I think this is where the lack of ability to orgasm is coming from, or why you’re losing erection or whatever that might be, right? So people often describe orgasms by where they feel the most sensation. There’s clitoral, vaginal, cervical, anal, prostate, penile, whole body, or you can have them blended.

But physiologically, ⁓ orgasm’s not some single isolated event in one body part. It involves the entire nervous system, pelvic chlor contractions, vascular health, aka blood flow, brain arousal networks, breathing. Huge one is breathing, hormones, ⁓ emotion, and of course, context. So let’s talk a little bit about orgasm types, anatomy, stimulation, like

No pressure performance whatsoever. And that’s where you have to have that trust with yourself and or with your partner if you’re partnering, right? Because we need to take performance out of the scenario here and talk about and put it towards physiology, right? So let’s think about this as anatomy and physiology 101 for sexual health. ⁓ first, there is no gold star orgasm. Let’s get that out of the way.

There is no better orgasm. There are only different combinations of orgasm, and here’s what they depend on: sensory input. Is it there? Now, let’s let me take just a moment, since we’re talking about this, from a clinical standpoint. What about sensory input? How does it get lost? Well, you could have surgery. Your body will shut off awareness.

To particular parts of the body, like if you have hip surgery, you’re gonna have less awareness there. It’s called proprioception. Where your body is in space, where your body part is in space will be lost if you have an injury or surgery. Let’s just say you have back pain, you’re gonna lose some awareness in that area because that’s your body’s protective mechanism. Could you lose sensation there? Yeah. If you have scar tissue there, you’re definitely going to lose sensation. And

In addition to that, hormonal changes. You could be postpartum. You are going to have less sensation there. It is going to be harder to achieve orgasm during pregnancy, after pregnancy, in that postpartum phase, because hormones shift. You don’t have as much estrogen postpartum. You get this really big dip. It also happens in perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause. So your postpartum kind of era can feel the same as perimenopause, where you lose sensation.

in that area. Now it’s not losing all the sensation, but I will tell you this replacement of that estradiol in that area is critical. So if you’re, you know, identify as female, you’re listening to this and you’re postpartum, you are perimenopause, talk to your provider about vaginal estrogen. Now there are many different types and this is not the podcast for that. If you have questions about that, please submit it because I’m I’d be happy to do a whole podcast on vaginal estrogen and

Different types and what you can consider, because it is a first line essential part of your sexual experience. All right. That’s one variable, sensory input. Next is blood flow. Okay, so blood flow, how does that how’s that impacted? Well, if you’re constantly in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, which is people-pleasing, then

You’re going to have altered blood flow because you’re not in that rest and digest and procreate and experience pleasure. Okay. mode. You are in run from the tiger mode. And your blood flow is shunted away from those optional things that we do towards literal running. Okay. Towards the extremities. You’re not going to digest food well. Sex is not going to be good. Like erections are not going to be good. ⁓ male, female, you know.

All genders here. So blood flow is essential. Also, if you have any vascular issues, diabetes, you vape, you smoke. ⁓ sorry that you’re not gonna get what you want out of your sexual experience. So, ⁓ as we say in the South, knock that off. Okay. do your best, stop, stop smoking, stop vaping, put that down. Don’t put anything in your lungs actually, ⁓ except oxygen. ⁓ and you will see that improve.

Okay. Also if you are smoking, vaping, et cetera, those types of things, or if you have vascular heart disease, diabetes, ⁓ do your best, listen to your doctor, listen to your providers, do what they say, because that’s going to improve your blood flow. ⁓ the other piece of that is when you have vascular disease, ⁓ whether it’s from smoke smoking, vaping, diabetes, or heart disease, ⁓ testosterone production in men, hormone production overall, and in you know, in genders.

Is going to be stunted. Okay. That’s smoking is associated with lower testosterone. That alone is enough ⁓ incentive to stop. Then you’ve got tissue engorgement, which has to do with blood flow as well. You need to make sure the tissues are okay. I see a lot of situations with ⁓ women when I’m evaluating and doing their pelvic exam that they’re not getting that tissue engorgement that they need because there’s there’s little or there’s like scars. There’s literally scar. ⁓

fibrotic tissue, scar tissue, adhesions that could come from birth, it could come from surgery, it could come from disease processes. And that that tissue needs to be carefully evaluated. That’s both external and internal to make sure that all of that gets freed up. That’s an essential part of pelvic PT. So if you’ve had a birth and you tore or you had an epesiotomy, for example, please go get that evaluated.

You’re there are too many healthcare providers, particularly, I don’t want to pick on GYNs, but since you end up seeing a GYN, OBGYN, postpartum, they’ll often say, that’s just a part of birth. You can’t do anything about that. Yes, you can. pelvic PTs and OTs can do a lot for your scar tissue. So even if your OBGYN says, you only had and I’ve heard this, I’ve heard this quote, and it’s horrible. A patient came in and said,

I said, how did you find me? They’re like, Well, on my own, I did a Google search and read your reviews and here I am because my OBGYN said, quote, you only had a baby. You don’t you don’t need pelvic PT.

Okay, folks, that’s wrong. You need pelvic PT if you give birth or if you’ve had abdominal surgery. Always, if you’ve had a hip scope, always, you always need pelvic PT. You can’t get out of, and even though the current international consensus for on hip arthroscopy leaves out pelvic PT, make no mistake about it. Okay, you need pelvic PT. It needs to be a part of the hip scope protocol, period.

All right, next, pelvic floor responsiveness. That kind of goes back to sensory input. If you don’t have a pelvic floor that’s functioning, and how do you know if you have a pelvic floor that’s functioning? Go see your local friendly pelvic PT or OT. They will evaluate that for you and tell you if it’s optimal or not. If you do not have an optimally functioning pelvic floor, you are not going to get what you want out of sex, however you define sex.

So if you have incontinence, yep, dampened sexual function, maybe absent sexual functioning. if you’ve had ⁓ prostate cancer, okay, you need pelvic PT, that’s going to dampen it. If you have pelvic pain, if you have, and I’ve been through the other ones, the hip pain, the back pain, that kind of thing. You can even have jaw pain. If you have TMG, TMJ, you can have a dampened sexual response response, also pelvic flow responsiveness. Because the voice

is connected to the respiratory diaphragm, is connected to the pelvic floor and the jaw by proxy. Then there’s breathing. ⁓ amount we could have a podcast about that all the way around. I use imaging, ultrasound imaging, ⁓ in real time to show patients when they’re doing it right, when they’re doing it wrong, and and that pretty much solves that problem. So ⁓ breathing is really important. Don’t overlook it. ⁓ amount of pressure that varies from person to person, your

ability to feel safe in a relationship, nervous system safety, and then emotional context. So I just listed one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight variables. Eight variables that mean orgasm is not just a genital event. It’s a whole body coordination event. Okay. Let’s get into clitoral orgasms first. ⁓ this is the information everybody seems to want.

It’s ⁓ out of all of the amazing guests we’ve had so far, we have kind of danced around and landed on topics, you know, surrounding orgasm. But then you guys have written in and said, we want more information, please. And I’m like, okay, well, here we go. First up, clitoral orgasm. what is it? Well

The clitoris, and I’m gonna reach over here. If you’re not watching on YouTube, I would say I’m going to do my best to try and describe this as best as I can to the listener. But you’ll also see me hold up some things like ⁓ power to the clitoris here that I’m holding up, ⁓ to show the anatomy. Okay.

The clitoris is not this little button, okay, that we are that we have been taught. It’s an organ system and this is the whole thing, right? So if I grab my model and show you the whole thing.

I’m gonna show you the ⁓ superficial pelvic floor. I’m gonna hold it up here. This is a female superficial pelvic floor, and I’m gonna overlay the clitoris on top of it. Do you see how big that organ is? It’s rather large. So it’s not just the little button right here. It’s the whole thing. Do you see how it surrounds the entire vulvar area? It’s a lot, right? So you have

the clitoral glands, the hood, the internal clitoral clitoral body, the cura, the vestibular bulbs that are on the edges here, all this erectile tissue that’s around the vaginal opening, and that’s a lot. Now, how how does stimulation actually work? Well

And for those of you who didn’t see the YouTube, it’s just the the clitoris is is like a a big upside down Y. Okay. There’s legs, and then there’s the the hood, ⁓ and then there’s the visible clitoral glands at the top, which is what you can, that little dot that you can visibly see. Now, when you get down to the physiological, like nitty-gritty here, indirect is first for most most people. It has more nerve endings and

I hate to say this, but the the clitoris is just now starting to be mapped for nerve endings. It’s 2026, y’all. There’s really no excuse for that. However, what we have learned in recent literature, very recent literature, like within the last ⁓ month or two, is that there are more nerve endings in the clitoris than the penis. Hello. And yet it has been ignored.

So, what does that mean? It means direct stimulation could be perceived as painful. It’s so sensitive that indirect touch is kind of first line. Stimulation over the hood, like the skin that comes over the little top that you can see, is better than directly on the glands itself. You can also focus on external vulvar touch, so on the outside. And for

orgasm you need steady rhythm. Steady rhythm, not irregular, and you have to have graded pressure. And that’s partner specific. I can’t tell you you need to apply this much pressure. Can’t do that. It’s about communication. You also have to allow enough time for blood flow and engorgement. This is not instant. It’s gonna take time. That may mean adding lubrication and avoiding too much intensity too soon.

So ways people can stimulate that area are external touch to the clitoral hood, the skin over the top, or the glands, which again, ⁓ a lot of people do not like that direct ⁓ stimulation. It can be it’s not like ⁓ it poking or pushing or flicking or whatever. It can be circular side to side, but steady rhythmic pressure is really important.

⁓ you can also get indirect pressure. Again, I’ll show you ⁓ the clitoris here, but imagine an upside-down Y, okay, if you’re not viewing this on YouTube, is indirect pressure on the edges. That would be through the labia. Okay. And then you can pair that external stimulation with breath and pelvic floor awareness. Now, your pelvic PT or OT or your sex therapist or counselor can get into the details.

Of that with you, because particularly in pelvic PT/OT and pelvic health, they’re going to clinically assess that and tell you. So that’s why it’s important. It’s it’s pelvic PT is not just important for you know your pelvic pain and your incontinence and your prolapse or whatever. It’s also important for this. You can actually also use a vibrator externally. There are clinical ones, there are ones you can pick up online, like the

Think of the boundary there being healthily blurred. Okay. This is not like ⁓ you know, sex toys of the past. There’s a real research focus on Hertz frequency. How does the body respond to different levels of frequency? So when you look at the therapeutic ones, and even the ones you, you know, you buy online through through through other ⁓ websites.

They should have different hurt different hertz frequencies. They’re not going to all be the same. I think some start around 50-60 and can go up to like 140 hertz. They are going to be more low frequency rather than high frequency. But here’s the thing: there is nothing that says high frequency works, low frequency works. It’s you have to figure out what hertz frequency works the best, what’s tolerated the best.

And then you have to change think about changing pressure. It’s not about changing speed. Okay. All right. So physiology point on that is direct stimulation may be too intense before arousal. The tissue becomes receptive after blood flow increases, which takes more time than it does with just say an erection. Okay. A penile erection.

The clitoris also doesn’t need force. It needs it needs to summarize blood flow, rhythm, ⁓ and pressure that matches the tissue state and safety. Okay? So what are some common barriers to a clitoral orgasm? Too much direct stimulation, too soon. ⁓ your breath holding, you’re holding jaw tension, your abdominal gripping, your pelvic floor guarding, you’ve got hormonal dryness, ⁓ vulvar pain. You’ve got

shame or performance pressure or a history of being rushed or disconnected from pre from pleasure. This is all a reason to go see your pelvic PT or OT. All right, let’s get into the next one. ⁓ Vaginal or G spot. I don’t like that term. G spot. The reason is the so-called G spot is it’s not a magic button. Okay. It’s it’s a region. It’s a it’s the whole front of the vaginal wall.

All right. So I’m gonna hold up another model here, but if you aren’t watching, just imagine the vaginal canal being like like a a baby sock. Okay, so the little leg part is the vaginal canal and the sock part is the cervix and uterus, okay. ⁓ or the foot part, right? So if you imagine a sock, okay, again the leg part is that vaginal wall, the front part.

of the vaginal wall, so towards the belly button is going to be where that is. Okay, where the G-spot is. It’s the front or anterior vaginal wall. it it’s not just that. However, it’s the glitteral tissues. Remember, they’re gonna be surrounding that area. So stimulation of the side walls, that’s why it’s not about length ⁓ penis owners. Okay. It’s about girth. It’s about what you do with it, right?

⁓ because it’s you’re going to be able to stimulate the sidewalls as well. It’s about fascial connections. it’s about pelvic floor muscles, it’s about vascular engorgement, so healthy blood flow. That’s your key anatomy. Okay, so clinically speaking, those are the things that ⁓ are going to matter overall. So, how let’s get back to part two of that. How does stimulation actually work? It’s often felt through the front wall of

The vagina. It’s more responsive after arousal, arousal and tissue engorgement. So again, you’re going to need more time. Pressure matters more than friction. So again, it’s not about speed. It’s about level of pressure to that front wall, or that ⁓ if you’re thinking about it in terms of a sock, like the front part of the sock. slower, steadier contact is gonna be better than fast movement. Pelvic angle matters too. So think about.

let’s just take the most standard ⁓ cisgender, like hetero position if you’re talking about penis and vagina sex, ⁓ missionary, you know, position. Leaving the pelvis flat is not always gonna work that well. So you’re gonna have to experiment with positions. This is a personal pursuit. I cannot tell you the perfect angle. Okay, nobody knows that. Everyone’s anatomy is different.

The cervix is going to be in a different place. It’s not just like dead center like you think it’s going to be because if someone’s hypermobile, it can be in different locations. Okay. So you have to communicate with your partner, ⁓ communicate with yourself, be open to experimenting. And you might have to raise the pelvis up. So that means putting the pelvis on a pillow or something like that. There are all kinds of fancy things out there. I have seen products, I’m not going to endorse any particular one, that are as much as like,

Over $250 just for ⁓ like raising the pelvis like six or twelve inches or something like that. Okay, y’all. ⁓ I’m probably gonna shoot myself in the foot or something ⁓ by poo-pooing expensive products, but you really don’t need anything that’s expensive. You can just use stuff around the house, right? If you have a really firm pillow that is too uncomfortable for like sleeping, like putting your head on, that might be perfect. Okay.

So think about it that way. ⁓ changing the pelvic angle is super important. So, ways to stimulate that area. Well, I just gave you one. ⁓ changing the pelvic angle. ⁓ lifting the pelvis up, maybe trying posterior tilting, like flattening out the back versus ⁓ you know, arching the back is going to take you away from that. So tucking the tailbone would take you more for towards that, towards that spot. ⁓

And that would be basically take internal pressure towards like the you know the front part of the sock, if you will. Slower curved or upward pressure rather than thrusting is is better. that also brings up anatomy, like different people’s anatomy fit differently. So that means, you know, some may fit, some may not. Broad, steady pressure. ⁓ that’s like

Don’t no no poking here, okay? Broad steady pressure is better. ⁓ pair that with the external clitoral stimulation is essential. ⁓ experiment with sideline or pelvic tilt. Again, I’ve already mentioned hip angle. Using breathing and sound to reduce pelvic floor guarding is important. ⁓ and I’ll talk a little bit about that more ⁓ a little bit down the line. And then if there’s any urinary urgency, that’s important because it could mean the bladder.

is a little too low. And I measure for that. I use ultrasound imaging to do that. So I can, you know, determine exactly where the bladder is and where it needs to be in order to optimize sexual function. So if it’s you get urinary urgency, anything sharp, pain, or irritating, please, please, please go see your pelvic PT. And if they do musculoskeletal ultrasound imaging, that’s ideal, even better. Okay, so overview on this. ⁓ Anterior front

Vaginal wall pleasure is less about finding a spot and more about creating the conditions for the tissue to respond. ⁓ without enough arousal, however, it can go sideways. Pressure may feel like urinary urgency, uncomfortable, numb, invasive, painful. But with that arousal and engorgement, okay, that’s much more smooth sailing.

⁓ so let me just kind of bullet point some final common barriers to that type of orgasm. Not enough arousal time. Pelvic floor overactivity. That’s a big one. Urinary urgency symptoms, history of UTIs, ⁓ vestibulodenia, endometriosis, vaginis, hormonal dryness, trauma history, and pressure. That’s too fast, too sharp, too deep, too thrusting.

Again, that’s an indication to go see your pelvic PT or OT who can help you with that. Number three, a deep vaginal  orgasm or cervical orgasm. I think there’s probably less experience out there with that, but hey, that’s just me speaking as an individual. ⁓ and as an individual practitioner, because most of my patients that I talk to are like, huh, didn’t know that, wasn’t even aware of that anatomy. So let’s talk about the anatomy. You have, and I’m going to hold up my model again here.

But again, if you don’t have the visual, think of like kind of the size of a little baby sock, ⁓ like I mentioned before. At the top of that baby sock, where it goes from the leg part to the ⁓ foot part, ⁓ you’ve got the cervix. Okay, that’s in the upper vaginal area. You have pelvic nerve pathways, the uterusacral region, fascia, ligaments, the deep pelvic floor, ⁓ and the relationship to all the location of the organs. There’s a lot of anatomy going on there.

And let me just say this first. Okay, it’s not about chasing it through force. You’re not going to get to that type, that deeper, deeper pleasure through force, and then just through immediate depth. It requires a a lot of things. Okay, first is permission. Okay, second, safety, and then arousal. How do you get there? So, how does stimulation usually work? That kind of deep.

Stimulation or cervical contact. That’s, and then we’re talking about ⁓ a device, ⁓ something you’re inserting in there, could be penis too. ⁓ just depends, okay, on what kind of pleasure situation you’re going for ⁓ and how you identify sexually. So that deep cervical contact here may feel pleasurable for some people. And I’m talking about not, I’m talking about the

Backside of the vaginal wall because behind the cervix there’s a little area called the posterior fornex. And that little area can that’s part of the deep stimulation that I’m talking about, but you have to get behind it. Now for other people, they may go, ⁓ that’s painful. it’s nauseating, it’s emotional, it’s triggering, it’s too much. So you got to talk to each other or talk to yourself if you’re doing that deep stimulation yourself. ⁓ both are valid.

So listen to each other or listen to yourself if it’s your, you know, if you self-pleasuring. ⁓ you need very high arousal to do that. So it’s gonna take more time. Go back to your pelvic angle experimenting to see how you can get the pelvic floor the most relaxed. ⁓ you are gonna use breathing again. We’re gonna talk about breathing in a minute. the receiving partner has to be able to control depth and pay and pace. And again, I’m not endorsing a specific product, but ⁓

pelvic people do have a really cool tool called the O Nut, like orgasm you know, nut, like O nut N U T. And it allows the penis owner to put a really squishy, cool silicone device on at the base of the penis to control depth. And that helps the receiving partner control that pace and depth. Pretty awesome.

Ways people can stimulate this area is slow, deep, gradual pressure only after a substantial arousal. You have to talk to your partner about that. positions that allow for that more depth, we’ve already talked about those. ⁓ raising the pelvis up helps a lot. Adjusting the pelvic angle to reduce sharp contact may mean you’re not arching the back, but there’s more of like a rounding there. Using really deep breathing, more foreplay, more touch. ⁓

Sound can help relax the pelvic floor. Now, how do we know sound is relaxing the pelvic floor? Well, I test it with imaging, with ultrasound imaging. But you have to make sure that it there’s no emotional flooding there and that when you’re creating sound, it’s actually deeply relaxing the pelvic floor. And avoiding that pressure if it feels threatening or painful. Now, here’s some other details, okay, for

You know, vagina owners, penis owners, whatever, whatever you own. If you’re involved with someone who is a vagina owner, then you gotta know that the cervix in the upper vaginal area is gonna be very sensitive to cycle changes, body inflammation, so systemic inflammation, specifically endometriosis. ⁓ if that is present, you’re gonna have to be careful with that. Talk to your partner, pelvic floor tone, trauma history.

Postpartum changes, ⁓ prenatal changes, ⁓ pregnancy changes, basically, and hormonal status. All those need to be checked out. ⁓ and that can be done through your pelvic PT provider. Because pain with deep penetration, not something to push through. Pain is information. Listen to that. So those are some of the things that can get in the way of achieving that.

type of orgasm. Now, how do women describe it? They describe it as longer, deeper, ⁓ more intense, and more full body over the clitoral orgasm. Clitoral orgasm is going to be more superficial, shortlasting, maybe not as satisfying, ⁓ whereas the cervical one is going to be it’s described as like much more fulfilling. Okay. Is it a better one? Not necessarily. Only you can decide that.

Okay, so other things that we may want to consider is you need to get the a pelvic exam done. A pelvic PT or OT would be best for that because they can identify all the different issues that are being talked about. If they identify a systemic issue, then they can refer to a GYN so that, you know, because maybe hormones are needed. Maybe, ⁓ you know, more diagnostic testing may need to be done. But your pelvic PT or OT is going to be the first line to go see for that.

And then you’ve got blended orgasm, which I can it can be a combination of both. So I don’t feel like we need to really go over that because you’re just taking those two and bringing them together. It could be any combination of those. It is multiple sensory pathways at once. It could be clitoral stimulation, it could be vaginal or anterior wall stimulation, like G-spot. It could be that posterior wall, you know, ⁓ spot behind the cervix that I was talking about.

It could mean pulsing the pelvic floor quickly because that’s could ⁓ stimulate that. You could use breathing, sound. People’s erogenous  zones are like highly varied. I cannot list them out because that would be impossible. For many people, it’s ⁓ you know the nipples, for example, but for some people it’s back of the neck, right? Like you gotta talk to your partner about it. For some people, it’s movement through the rib cage or the hips or the spine or the pelvis.

It’s probably the most blended orgasm saying blended orgasm is probably the most honest term because, you know, most pleasure is layered.

So in terms of like clinically, you you want to avoid like overwhelming the nervous system and use deep, slow breathing to kind of and slow like sound, not for performance or faking it, but to just kind of distribute the sensation throughout the body because sound is a vibration. And when you create sound, you are going to improve the pleasure experience.

If the pelvic floor is not you know, too tight, if the if the like kind of the resting tone is not too high. So oftentimes if you combine deep, slow belly breathing, no chest breathing, you shouldn’t see muscles in the neck like distend, you shouldn’t see the chest like heaving and rising. none of that. You want deep belly breathing and deep back rib cage breathing.

Okay, you can go to my YouTube channel, I have a whole playlist on breathing alone.

that is going to distribute sensation in everywhere and it and it definitely could improve ⁓ you know orgasm. ⁓

Ways that people stimulate the blended one is a couple of different ways. Well, not a couple. There’s a whole bunch of different ways. Adjusting rhythm so the body can integrate rather than brace. ⁓ adding some of those erogenous zones that you discover and that you’ve talked about. Maintain slow internal pressure and external stimulation at the same time. Whole body touch.

Don’t make this about just genital stimulation because I think women in particular are going to be over that real quick. You have to branch out to the whole body. ⁓ Once you are doing any kind of genital stimulation, you’ve got to use breath plus sound. Usually is going to get your best outcome. ⁓ If you’re doing clitoral, if you’re using clitoral stimulation, then you know ⁓ sometimes pelvic rocking will help, sometimes not, but do experiment with that. That also helps.

Basically, what I’ve just described are layering techniques. ⁓ stop chasing orgasm and layer different techniques over each other because that will help you to stop holding your breath, to be more comfortable creating sound, to increase that intensity, to decrease pelvic floor overactivity, ⁓ and definitely cut down any kind of dissociation where you check out and go, ⁓ I’m just gonna wait till this is over or whatever.

Alright let’s talk about guys. All right, penis owners. This is a this is all you. Not that the last one was. Okay, there were a lot of lessons there, but we were talking about female anatomy, right? So let’s talk about ⁓ penis owners. We’ve got a lot of different key anatomy here that we don’t have the bandwidth to go over in this podcast, but suffice to say, it’s not just about ⁓

the penis. It’s about somatic nerve pathways. It’s about you know, the perennial body or the space, you know, between the penis and the opening ⁓ of the anus. It’s about some some ⁓ stimulation, you know, around the the scrotum, the testicles, that kind of thing. ⁓ really matters. Okay. So it’s not just take the the performance pressure off it being all about the penis. So

⁓ I want you to consider this that orgasm and ejaculation often happen together, but they are not the same event. Okay. So how does stimulation work? I’m gonna go through this in the same way that I did with the female anatomy. ⁓ in terms of clinical language, when you talk about the penis, it it involves full contact. It could just be the tip, like the glands, it could be the shaft, it could be the bottom, the frenulum. It’s it

Don’t think about it just as whole contact. And an erection is going to  depend on multiple things. State of the hormones. So we’ll often measure testosterone and other things. Because it’s not just about how much you have, it’s how your body is utilizing it and how it’s available. It’s not just about low testosterone. It could be nervous system state. ⁓ if you are still waking up with that morning erection like you did in your

20s or whatever, then it’s less about vascular problem and blood flow and more about what’s happening between your ears and the mind. That you think because someone told you you had low testosterone, that therefore you’re going to have erectile dysfunction. So not true. So not true at all. And then we talked about why blood flow gets impaired. That’s very much a systemic event. That is why erection is a biomarker for your overall health. Men.

If you’re listening, okay. I’ll say that again because it is worth repeating that erection and erection quality is a biomarker for your systemic whole body health. If you’re not getting where you want to be with that, something else is happening. It’s either biomechanical or biotensegrity, aka fascial.

Or it is, you know, like vascular systemic and and and it has to do with, you know, blood flow, or it could could simply be straight up pelvic floor dysfunction. I see that a lot. And yeah, I’m biased. I’m a pelvic floor and orthopedic PT. Of course, you know, I’m gonna get I’m gonna see that. That’s why people come to see me, right? Is because they have pelvic floor dysfunction. But it can happen without you feeling it or noting it. It could show up as back pain. It could show up as hip pain.

It could show up as tight hip flexors. It could show up as tight inner thigh muscles. All that will jack up an erection. Okay. And then ejaculation involves coordinated, you know, emission, expulsion. Orgasm is is subject to both neurologic and sensory experience. What the heck does that mean? Okay, we’re gonna get to that. And then the last thing I want to say to say, you know, clinically, anatomically, is that pelvic floor coordination matters.

You think about, you know, people often think about pelvic floor only in relationship to continents. Okay, not true. Pelvic floor has everything to do with the quality of your sexual experience. If you do not have good coordination, you’re not going to get to where you want to be. So, how do people stimulate this area? Okay, well, there’s the garden variety, direct, you know, penis stimulation with varied pressure and rhythm. But I also want you to pay attention to.

the glands to the tip to the frenulum, which could be highly sensitive, that the the bottom, even the sides can be, okay, because that’s where the pelvic floor is. And those muscles are involved in rhythmic coordination of orgasm. So if you’ve lost pelvic floor strength, of course you’re going to lose some of that. That can happen with age, ⁓ with injury, maybe a back injury, maybe hip injury. That often happens. I see it a lot in men post-hip arthroscopy.

Again, that’s not in the the surgical brochure, but gosh darn it, it should be. And then ⁓ lubrication. You know, you you might not think about it in terms of you. We always think thinking think about it in terms of like women and you know, their ability to provide that lubrication that makes everything great. But you may actually need it because of the of the sensitivity and how you’re able to perceive things. So think about that. ⁓

Changing tempo to regulate arousal could be important. You might want to pause or slow down before that moment of, you know, aka no return. That means, ⁓ let’s talk about masturbation for a second. Not always just going for fast and furious, because you can train pelvic floor dysfunction that way. You can also train your nervous system to only be able to achieve orgasm that way.

Neither of those are good because I can tell you right now, if you have a a female partner, that is not going to fly. Okay. So you need to learn how to pause or slow down. ⁓ listen to partners’ input. Here’s another thing. I see a lot of guys in the gym. And again, I’m biased because this is these are the problems that present to me in clinic. Okay. So I’m just

Talking to about how I see sexual dysfunction presenting when someone has an orthopedic problem ⁓ or a pelvic floor problem. They grip the abs too much. They walk around gripping their abs all the time or sucking it in because they want to look better. They like that six pack. Or, you know, they have a little bit of a I eat too many hot dogs and drank too many beers, gut, and they want to look better, right? It’s about aesthetics. Well

Trying to suck it in is going to ruin sexual health. All right. They’re gripping the abs too much. I spend a lot of time down training abs, dry needling abs, ⁓ fascial release for abs, showing them on ultrasound imaging that their abs are they’re gripping too much. They’ll also grip the jaw and they’ll grip the pelvic floor without knowing it. And they’ll brace. None of those are good. You can also use your breath deep.

Diaphragmatic breathing. Go on my YouTube channel and watch abdominal diaphragm diaphragmatic breathing, A D breath, or you can Google it, A D breath, Ginger Garner. Look up three-part breath, look up four part breath. I have those on my YouTube channel. Master those. Master sandbag breathing. I also have that one on my channel. That’s going to rush, avoid helping you avoid ⁓ rushing the arousal curve.

So the physiology point to this is again, too much fight or flight can cause freeze. ⁓ it can contribute to ⁓ premature ejaculation or performance anxiety, and that just kills the erection. too much inhibition, too much stress, medication effect like SSRIs, antidepressants, anti anxiety meds will can really kill sexual health.

⁓ worrying about performance anxiety, which is a big deal. ⁓ pelvic floor overactivity, diabetes, vascular issues, smoking, vaping, anything at all. ⁓ just stop that, put that down. Low testosterone can do it. ⁓ shame. Okay, sex therapy is wonderful for addressing this. Don’t underestimate it. Okay, they’re

Wonderful ⁓ ASEC certified ⁓ counselors ⁓ across the U.S. I practiced with several of them in my clinical location here in Greensboro, North Carolina. Just fantastic. I just had several, okay, on the podcast. Go listen to those episodes. Compulsive stimulation patterns. that’s a big one. And relationship stress. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

All right, let’s get to the last two types, okay, for for men. There’s prostate orgasm. You may have never had that before. What the heck is it? You gotta focus on ⁓ the ⁓ anterior rectal wall. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Okay, what does that mean? That’s the anatomy of it. Okay, prostate pleasure is not about force.

It’s not about novelty. If you’re identify as hetero, ⁓ and you’re thinking, this makes me, you know, homo because of that. No, no, no, no, no. You just have to expand your anatomical and physiological understanding and and awareness. ⁓ no matter what your sexuality is, learning how to do this properly is a game changer. Okay. No matter, you know, cisgender.

gay, I don’t care, whatever. ⁓ it really depends on pelvic floor tone. Okay, so your anatomy, arousal, relaxation, safety, super important. The prostate is going to be accessed through the rectal wall, through the front. Okay, so I usually recommend ⁓ do you have to wear gloves? No, you don’t have to wear gloves, but especially if you’re ⁓ you know, hetero.

Penis vagina sex, yeah, you you can’t go from one side to the other. Okay. So you’re you’re gonna have to wear gloves, don’t cross-contaminate, use ⁓ loads of lube, that’s gonna help a lot. ⁓ the anal sphincter and the pelvic floor must be able to relax. Go slow. Slow, graded pressure is essential. ⁓ sensation is going to feel painful otherwise.

It can feel like bladder urgency. It can feel discomfort. They can feel, you know, sharp urgency, ⁓ etc. If they’ve had any vascular issues like hemorrhoids or something like that, then that’s going to be a problem too. Maybe those need to be healed up first. maybe you know to get to you need to get that checked out, fissures, anything like that, chronic constipation, all that is going to impact your ability to be able to feel pleasure through it instead of feeling.

pain or annoyance or hey that feels terrible. So ways people can simulate that area is when the you insert a finger, usually index finger, gloved, plenty of lube, find what works best for you, is it’s gonna be almost like a if you make a a come here, you know, motion with your index finger towards the the belly button direction, that’s the that’s the action.

But you can also start with extern external pressure or exterior pressure. And that’s perennial pressure. Again, between the penis and the anal opening, between the, you know, the scrain, the scrotum and the anus, essentially. Is that a gentle external pressure before any internal stimulation? Then, you know, ask, hey, how how’s it go? How are you going with that? ⁓ if you’re internal, internally located, then again, you’re doing that towards the belly button.

Towards the front of the body, kind of come here, pressure or movement. Slow graded contact. It’s not going to be about thrusting. Focus on a long inhale. I know this sounds counterintuitive. However, the pelvic floor is actually not contracting, but returning to its shortened position on an exhalation.

And a lot of people say, exhale and relax, right? You’ve heard it a billion times. I want you to focus on a long inhale. Breath types that would help with that are going to be ujjayi and yoga. I use a lot of yoga. I almost I don’t want to say exclusively use yoga as my therapy modality for movement and experience, somatic experiencing, but it is a lot of that. So I want you to slow it down using ujjayi. It’s more of a noisy breath. And guess what? That’s where the sound comes in.

if you’re slowly inhaling into that. So it it literally sounds like this.

That was my inhale. And it was a shorter one. But if you’re really, really good at it, you can actually make that inhale. And I don’t want to do that now because it’ll just sound like Darth Vader breathing or something creepy, right? You ⁓ creepy person breathing heavily into the phone in some kind of crappy horror movie. So ⁓ I’m not gonna practice that for you right now, but go to my YouTube channel, we’ll put the link in the show notes on Ujjayi breathing type. It’s called Victorious Breath.

And Sanskrit, okay, that’s the English translation. Victorious or overcoming breath. Love using this breath. And when you inhale and use it slowly, if you can’t get it in the beginning, inhale through your teeth, okay? Like an S sound. And then you’re gonna ha like that or hiss on the way out on your exhale. That will keep your jaw relaxed, your abdomen relaxed, your pelvic floor relaxed, and it will shorten the time between.

Hey, this feels weird. To hey, this feels great. Okay. All right. If there’s any pain, bleeding, sharp urgency, or emotional distress, stop. Talk to your partner. Okay. The pelvic floor has got to feel safe before the prostate stem is going to feel pleasurable. Now, if you’re not getting it and it’s not working, please go see your pelvic PT because they need to both do an orthopedic screen and a pelvic screen. Okay.

They need to rule out chronic pelvic pain, prostatitis, hemorrhoids, fissures, pelvic floor dysfunction, anal sphincter guarding, trauma history, shame. That can be all separate stuff, anxiety, not enough lube, or rushing. Okay, finally. ⁓ and this took this does take a long time to talk about these things. So I hope this has been helpful for you. Let’s talk about the last one, which is just a non ejaculatory.

Orgasm that’s a whole body orgasm. You need to learn breath control without bracing. That’s usually what will kill it. ⁓ you need to focus on interoception. How do you feel about it? This isn’t about people pleasing, this is about your pleasure. ⁓ control arousal, don’t move too quickly into it. Focus on erogenous zones beyond just the genitals. Whole body pleasure is.

Is about expression of nervous system health and safety. And it’ll it it means that you have are calm and feeling relaxed enough that your whole body can feel that. It’s less about one body part, it’s more about broadening your attention. ⁓ it’s definitely about a slow build. I want you to lengthen your inhalation and exhalation. What’s the goal? What do I teach as a goal?

At least a seven second inhale and a seven second exhale. That’s breathing about four times per minute. That’s a therapeutic dose. You can do that through working on ujae. You can also hum through it. ⁓ I know it sounds crazy. You can sing through it. You can do low tone vocalization. So I think low kind of not necessarily groaning. Okay, and it’s not performative groaning either, moaning. It is just more of a low mm.

tone to contribute to that pelvic floor relaxation. The other thing you can do is is work on pelvic floor strength. ⁓ that’s like stopping the flow of urine. It’s also what will move the penis kind of up towards you, towards the body. Okay. If you’re doing it right, that’s what will happen. So when you contract it, you get that relaxation awareness. Kind of like if your upper traps are tight, you know?

And you shrug up your shoulders and roll them around and then relax them, that’s called progressive relaxation. That’s what we’re doing with the pelvic floor is to contract the pelvic floor and then let it go. The more quickly you can do that, the stronger the orgasm will get. And then broaden your attention out to your breathing, your spine, your pelvis, your chest, is anything guarding, your throat.

How your skin feels, relax all of that.

Super important. And then you want to reduce that stimulation before climax can become just automatically reflexive so that you can control it, right? And that allows you to kind of ride those waves of sensation without forcing some kind of completion. So, what are some of the common barriers? I think this is where sex therapy and counseling really help. Get rid of the notion of performance pleasure. Then then pelvic PT also. ⁓

Breath holding, pelvic floor gripping, ⁓ and then back over to the sex therapy realm, anxiety, compulsive stimulation patterns, also bad. Dissociation from trauma, lack of body awareness. If you don’t know where your low back is in space, it’s gonna be hard, right? ⁓ if you don’t know where your pelvic floor is in space, that’s gonna be harder. ⁓ and then don’t rush things, you know, and then working on that shame component always important. So all right.

So let’s talk about, you know, kind of a unifying framework here. Instead of asking, how do I have that orgasm? Ask what particular physiological conditions make it possible, right? Pleasure more accessible and possible. And we’ve already talked about, and I’m gonna just list those six conditions again. I think I had had them listed into ⁓ the eight earlier, but let’s kind of condense them down.

You got tissue readiness, make sure you have good blood flow, good lubrication, ⁓ et cetera. Pelvic flow responsiveness, can you control it? Breath and pressure. Is the person breathing? Are they bracing? Is it too much pressure? Sensory dosing. Is it too much? Too little? Too deep? Too direct? Too unpredictable? Autonomic safety. Do you feel safe enough? And emotional context.

Is there religious conditioning, body image distress, relationship unsafety, medical gaslighting? Someone telling you, just have a glass of wine and relax, which is horrible. It’s unacceptable. Is there trauma, pain, you know, grief? Like working through that’s super important. So instead of how do I get this type of orgasm, it’s what do I need to access it? Yeah, technique matters, but context matters, whether technique lenses

pleasure or pressure. Right? Things like do I need to soften the jaw? Do I need to release the pelvic floor? Do I need to use less depth? Do I need to change angle? ⁓ do we need more time for arousal? That kind of thing.

So if there’s any pain at all, painful erection, painful ejaculation, pain with sex, pain with orgasm, bleeding, deep pelvic pain. There’s so many things I could list here vulvar burning, numbness, loss of sensation, a new loss of orgasm, urinary bowel symptoms, constipation, frequent UTIs, suspected endometriosis, gut pain, digestion pain, menopause related dryness, or postpartum.

postpartum scar pain, something that was never addressed, C-section scar pain, pelvic pain that lingers after intimacy. It’s not a it’s not a pleasure problem, it’s a body signal. ⁓ go see your pelvic PT or OT and they can evaluate that and make proper referrals and treat it. And also refer you to sex therapy if needed. Okay. Or handle it on their own if that’s within their training. Because ultimately the body it doesn’t need to be forced into pleasure.

It just needs the right conditions to make pleasure biologically available. Okay.

So here’s another question that I’ve got. I hope that segment on orgasm was helpful. I know it was long. Thanks for sitting with me through that. ⁓ here’s another question I get. Do people that suppress expression suppress sensation? I’ll let you answer that. Right? The answer is like, well, yeah. Often, because they’re not doing anything wrong. Suppression is what has happened specifically to women.

But also to all genders when it comes to pelvic health, because pelvic health is ignored in the general healthcare system. It’s like, ⁓ we want to talk about sex, right? We don’t want to talk about pelvic pain. Just have a glass of wine and relax. Well, that’s a load of crap. Suppressing expression is often protective. You don’t want to get dismissed again. You don’t want to get ridiculed again. It feels embarrassing and shameful to talk about, you know, lack of sexual function, right?

So you learn to stay quiet. You learn to people please. You learn to keep it contained and invisible and hyper-controlled. And then the body dampens sensation. But here’s what I want you to consider. Connect to this. Are you breath holding? Do you have jaw tension? Are you gripping the abdominals? Are you guarding the pelvic floor? That will reduce understanding how you feel from the inside out.

It will make it really hard to receive and give pleasure. And it will make all those things, purity culture, religious conditioning, shame and trauma, medical trauma, chronic pain, relationship unsafety, it just floods to the surface, right?

The body often protects us by turning down the volume. And then sexual health goes and satisfaction goes. The work is not to force sensation back online, but to create enough safety that sensation becomes tolerable and more than tolerable, right? Pleasurable.

So we want to support that. That’s where my three diaphragm approach, the voice to pelvic floor connection, becomes critical. The vocal diaphragm, the respiratory diaphragm, and pelvic diaphragm are not separate entities. They don’t live in a silos. They coordinate your sexual success. They coordinate pressure, breath, sound, and support. And when we clamp down on the throat, hold the breath, or lock the jaw, for example, it’s gonna show up in the abdomen in the pelvic floor.

So I want you to consider this. Sound is just not optional. It’s not a decoration. Sound is a body strategy. So if you start to use that just gentle creation of sound, even if it’s the ujjayi breath that I talked about, or brahmare breath, bee buzzing breath, which I also have on my YouTube channel, that’s a strategy to get you there. So how can people both like reclaim their voice and their pelvic presence?

I want to keep this gentle and practical. ⁓ let’s start outside of sex, okay? Let’s start with interoception. How do you feel? And proprioception, where is my body in space? So first notice. Where do you hold your breath? Where do I hold my breath?

Where do I silence myself?

Where do I grip and close things down? I want you to experiment with, and we’re not going to do it here, but after the podcast is over, voice and exhale. Sigh, hum, do a low mmm or an ⁓ and then ask yourself those questions. Where do I hold my breath? Where do I silence myself? Where am I gripping? Next, notice if your pelvic floor softens or stiffens or braces when sound is added.

I was just doing, ⁓ I was doing I had a male pelvic health case this past week. And as soon as he started to talk, his pelvic floor started to go sideways. So what did we have to do? We have to retrain that.

It might actually be as simple as creating sound while you have ⁓ contact with the pelvic floor, whether internally, intravaginally, interrectally, or externally, you know, bet the space between ⁓ the scrotum and the anus or the vagina and the anus. Okay. It could be like you literally feel like no one’s listening to you, like learning how to say no, learning how to set boundaries in your daily life.

It could mean take your favorite book and read out loud. Maybe that’s foreplay, right? Pull that favorite book of poetry off. Read each other a Shakespearean sonnet, like whatever turns you on, read aloud. That can help relax the pelvic floor. If you’re rigidly . – pushing your abs out or blowing your abs out, then that means there’s gonna be adverse pelvic floor tension.

One way you can test this is if you cough. If you cough, the belly should draw in, not push out. That’s one way you know that your pelvic floor is either working with or against your abdominal region. So if you do that cough screen and your belly blows out, please go see a pelvic PT so they can fix that for you. And they’re gonna do a whole pelvic exam and I mean your sexual health is gonna vastly improve.

All right. Third, bring sound into sensuality slowly. It’s not performative moaning, y’all. Just breathe, maybe sigh or any other authentic expression. Maybe it’s talking to each other or talking to yourself. Reclaiming the voice doesn’t start with being loud. It starts with being honest and sometimes it’s really quiet.

So, in reclaiming your voice and reclaiming that pelvic presence, how can people shift out of what’s wrong with me and into, okay, what’s happened to me? How can I have self-compassion? Now, this deserves its own podcast altogether. So instead of saying, what’s wrong with me, because you’ve been dismissed, gaslit, rushed, shamed, or medically minimized, ask this.

What happened to my body? And what has my body been protecting me from? And what support does it need now? Then reframe these things that I’m about to say. Instead of why can’t I orgasm? Ask what conditions help my body feel safe enough for pleasure? Instead of why do I shut down?

Ask, what does what is shutdown trying to protect me from? Instead of why am I numb? Why is my libido gone? Ask, what would make sensation feel safe in small doses? Instead of, why is my pelvic floor so tight? Ask, what’s my pelvic floor guarding against? These are trauma-informed questions. Get out of that self-blame.

voice, okay. And now reframe it towards compassion to the self. So what are some simple ways that you can move from shutdown to the satisfaction that you want sensually in your life? First, don’t make it about only sex, okay? Make like sensuality ordinary, practical, logical, something that you can do at any point during your day. Even maybe getting your day started.

Get out of saying, what’s wrong with me? And ask, what do I need? What does my body need? So here’s some simple daily practices. As many times as you can a day, or as acceptable in the company that you’re in, do an audible exhale. Hmm. Just breathe with a sigh or a hum or a low. ⁓ almost like yawning, right? That paced sighing is.

Is known to improve heart rate variability. It is improving your nervous system response. It’s improving sensitivity. So that’s audible exhales. I want you to do it. Next, do a jaw pelvis check-in. How do you do that? Well, is your belly bracing? Is your jaw gripping? Is your pelvic floor holding? Do you have back pain? Right? Do you have ⁓ constipation? Do you have to push to get the urine out? All that is pelvic floor tightness.

Number three, go for sensory pleasure without performance. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good? A hot shower, ⁓ music, soft clothing, a little sunlight, dancing in the kitchen, singing. All right. Anybody that knows me knows singing is ⁓ is is my first language, right? So what is it? Good food, walking, you know, a walk together, walk on your own.

Find that out, get back to yourself again. And pelvic presence, you can do this now as you’re kind of listening or walking, is feel what you sit on, your sit bones, feel your lower lower belly, feel your pelvic bowl without trying to contract anything. Just inhale, feel the belly expand, feel the back ribs expand, feel the pelvic floor actually expand down on your inhale and relax.

And then next, voicing. We need voicing. Hum in the car. ⁓ sing a song, read something out loud, like I mentioned earlier, and give yourself consent. This is the last one. Do I want this? Do I need slower? Do I need more pressure? Less pressure, more warmth, more time. Because sensual satisfaction begins long before the bedroom. It begins when the body gets daily evidence that pleasure.

Rest, sound, and desire are all safe. All right. Giving yourself permission is important. Because pleasure is not a luxury. Okay. Sexual health is not a luxury. And healthcare needs to stop acting like that. Okay. If you feel dismissed, either quiet quit that professional, you know, and find another one or tell them this isn’t working out and find another one.

Pleasure is not luxury. It’s part of how we function, how we learn, how we connect, how we thrive. It’s part of being alive. If your body has gone quiet, numb, guarded, painful, or disconnected, there’s help. It does not mean you’re broken. It means your body has adapted. It’s giving you information. And with safety, breath, skilled support, and compassion.

Your body can learn new patterns. It can get back to where you want it to be. Or maybe you it’s never been where you want it to be. You can find where you want to be. You can find that new place. Your voice matters, your pleasure matters, your pelvic presence matters. And you’re allowed to feel fully alive in your own body.

So I hope this episode has been a help to you. It’s a little longer than usual, but I get really passionate talking about this subject because there’s just too much medical gaslighting that happens around it. Healthcare has shoved sexual health to the side in many ways. And when someone says sex therapy, they often don’t think about clinical PhDs and master’s degree level. They think about ⁓ shame and cultural conditioning and purity culture and religious conditioning or whatever it may be.

Give yourself permission to say that pleasure is not a luxury. So if you’ve enjoyed this episode, ⁓ feel free to share that with your partner ⁓ because I think they might get a lot out of that, or maybe sit down and listen to it and practice those things together. And I look forward to ⁓ our next episodes in the future where we’ll start to talk about other techniques where you can really get down to improving your overall health and wellness through the context of sexual health as part of your mental well being.